7/25/11

Karaoke

Just experienced what happens when you place a bunch of drunk people and a karaoke machine in the same room.
     Fun times, fun times.
     As you can tell, it was karaoke night at the gazebo at the resort. It started at 7 and I think it's still going on. There were a couple really good singers. Better than some of the lot that go on America's Got Talent and make complete and utter fools of themselves. Then the karaoke kind of just morphed into a linedance/freedance thing around 9 something. There was a drunk lady we'd met earlier in teh day before the entertainment started who was drunk out of her mind (it was her birthday the next day) and having a good ol' time, while her husband just kept signing off on her tab and pretending they weren't acquainted in the slightest bit XD. But, she was hilarious. I was kind of grumpy about going at first at 7:30 when my mom heard the singing from the balcony, but I ended up having quite a blast, without embarrassing myself or getting hammered.
     Also, went to Port Lucaya Marketplace today. We had gone yesterday, but since it was Sunday the majority of the little shops were closed, so it was pretty boring. Today was much more fun. Those Bahamians sure love to bargain. My mom went to the casino while I stayed to walk around. (I went with her to the casino on Sunday. Decided losing money wasn't really my thing.) Everystore (except for the fancy schmancy jewelry stores) I walked into, I was immediately confronted by the store owner telling me "hello, pretty girl, whatareyoulookinfor today? Lookatthis, right here, I give you for 10 dollars, it worth 12, handcrafted of mahogany veryprettyonyou" And I'd politely say I'm just looking, not mentioning the fact that I was screaming inside myself to just go say "whaddya mean, you handcrafted these? The next store 3 feet away is selling the same damn stuff." So yeah, it was hard to find something really unique. Even the little kiosk a woman set up near our pool at the resort had the same stuff we found in all the tiny one-manned shops. And it was burning hot of course, so you usually approached a store just to get out of the sun. I think the top of my head is sun burned. Also I missed a spot on my back when i was putting on sunscreen (I iz doofus).
     But I did end up finding something unique. I found a pretty shell necklace with little silver beads and mahogany beads, which I'd been looking for the whole day. Also, my mom and I went into Pandora Jewelry, and we got charm bracelets for each other. Very pretty. I got an adorkable turtle charm, and a red bead. Phew birthday gifts taken care of ;) XD
    SO, all in all, good day today. Tomorrow we've got the super combination tour. I can't wait to get this effing hospital band off -__-
video of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk
quote of the day: Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?  ~J.K. Rowling, "King's Cross," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
 

7/23/11

Cancercorn?

Video of the day!~http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12PsUW-8ge4
quote of the day!~"watching the science channel and it was a show on how they do things. the topic was sorting train cars to go to destinations. and one of the key parts of the train yard is "a hump" where they bring cars to the top and gravity sort them to other cars right. the guy who runs it is called the hump Master. the train engine that brings the cars to the top is called the mother. the back up engine is called the snail. and the dude on tv said *were going to use the mother and the snail to push the cars and then we will hump them*. XD"--Matt
took a while to get the wifi to work. we're not supposed to get it in the rooms, but i guess im close enough to the pool. low signal strength tho.      
sooooo Bahamas! yay. lots of stuff to say. 
airport business--no problems there. planes were on time. but we thought they had changed the rules and made it so that you could finally bring water bottles (with water in em). well, you still can't. 5$ for 2 water bottles. rip offffffff. 
the security guard right before you go thru security, sees that my mom lets me go through security all by myself. 'how old are you?' he asks me. 'er..19' i say
'what?! you look like a baby'
'um...hehe (-__-)'
i was waiting at the other side of the conveyer belt thing where they send ur stuff thru the xray machine. and i was like'hey my backpack hasnt gotten thru yet, but it was definitely before that lady's stuff' so i asked a guy and he said it probably got sent back thru' and i was thinking 'whhaa?'. so i waited and five minutes later i was getting worried. lol i look at the first thing at the end of the conveyer belt and guess what? its my fucking backpack. it was there the whole time
i didnt recognize it. so i was just like *grab and run* and my mom was just giving me that 'you're fucking stupid look'
     My mom brought her kindle, and she wanted me to explain how to play Minesweeper. So I do, but then i realize...
I probably shouldn't be saying bomb on a plane. derp 
"final approach"~as george carlin says, final is not a good word to use on an airplane. terminal sucks as well XD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DagVklB4VHQ
     the bahamian beach does look amazing, especially from an airplane. the water is so frickin BLUE. 
so we're getting closer and closer to land. i was expecting loads of palm trees, roads, hotels/resorts, basically tourism central. (bahamas is mainly tourism) what i saw was brownish fields and lots of dead trees. i couldnt tell if they were just wooden sticks in the grounds or trees so dead they didnt even have branches, but either way the few healthy trees were sparse. and definitely not palm trees. they strangely looks kind of evergreen-ish. i mean, what i'd heard of Freeport, it sounded like the area near the airport would be, well, nicer looking. 
the airport is small. not that im expecting it to be big. dur. but its one thats so small taht the plane just lands and taxis in next to the entrance and the passangers have to walk down a set of stairs to the ground to the outside (90 degrees out) to hurry into the airport and thru immigrations and customs. and plus, we were with a whole bunch of boy scouts. one of the troop leaders was a woman (wtf?) and they were all either 12 or younger, or really old and nerdy.  (a couple looked my age and nerdy). we had a crying baby on the plane too. and they dont even give out snacks anymore, just a beverage. (US airways)
      So we get thru customs and immigration ok, get our luggage no problem, and proceed to take a cab. The driver sits on the left side in the bahamas, we had been wondering if maybe they sat on the right, since the British had taken it over way back when. but no, they do sit on the left side of the car. however, they DRIVE on the left side of the road. this is just messed up. Our taxi cab was more of a van than a sedan. And it barely looked like it would hold together. But we did get to the resort ok (Island Seas), even though he did drift over to the other side of the road (the right side pff) and got honked back to attention. fare was 25$ dollars, not including tip. Later in the lobby of the resort, we found out the fare is only supposed to be 22$ dollars. We got taken, yes -__-. 
     Check in was at 4. We got there around 2:30. In all the other timeshares I've been too, and even at regular hotels, the staff has had our room ready before the actual check in time so we could get right in and settle down and our luggage would be delivered to us promptly. Not here -___-. Not only did we have to wait until 4, but once it turned 4, we had to wait 30 extra minutes before our room was ready. We were told 'I'll come get you in 5 minutes' at 4. Me and my mom were kind of pissed off. Plus, our luggage was given to a bellboy. We didn't get it at our room until 5. Mom extremely agitated. Me silently putting up with it XD. 
     The room: not too bad, really. Not impressive only in that it looked so similar to other resort rooms we've been to. But the washer and dryer isnt in the room, its in another building. and you have to pay $1.50 for tokens to use them.  And you have to use a 'guest charge card' in order to get towels for the beach/pool and return the towels to the pool by 5 so you don't get charged. as in, if you wanna go swimming after 5, you better have your own towel. And at the convenience store on the resort, a half gallon of milk and a half gallon of orange juice came to $11.10. Yeah, i was taken there too, probably cuz 1.I was alone 2. they thought i was twelve 3.I tried to charge it to the room with the guest charge card, which i couldn't (every other place I've stayed allows you to do that) so they knew i didnt know shit. We're gonna go shopping at a regular grocery store on Monday; the resorts got a free shuttle there. 
Speaking of shuttles, we were planning on going to this 'International Bazaar' a big shopping area. We were told by Interval International that it's only a half mile from the campus, easy walking distance. It's not. It's 2 miles. A terrible walking distance from the resort in this heat. (yeah, i know we did go to the bahamas in July of course its hot, k, shut up XP). and there's no free shuttle there, so we'd have to take another taxi (but HA we already know what it would cost to get there so try to take advantage of us now you sons of a biscuit eating bulldogs.) There's also this place called Port Lucaya, another big shopping area. The resort does have a free shuttle there, at scheduled times. Sounds cool, no? One problem. The last shuttle to go there leaves at 6:10. The last shuttle to bring you back gets there at 6:30. Wanna go in the evening, maybe have a nice dinner and shop when its cooler out? Too bad, you'll need your own way back -__-. 
     And speaking of limited freedom, we have to wear an ID band around our wrists. Ours is gold, because we're timeshare owners. It allows us to get 10% off meals at the resorts' restaurant (which does have good food, i must say). This is would be awesome if we could take off the thing/put it back on whenever we want. But no, this thing is a hospital band, just not bright yellow (although if you're not a timeshare owner, its either yellow or bright green). Its not meant to be taken off, and even the front desk people told us to wear it at all times before they promptly snapped it around our poor unwilling wrists. What is this, a hospital? We can't just give them our room number, and then they'd know from that information that we're gonna get 10% off? That's what other resorts we've been to have done. Sorry to keep comparing, but it's difficult not to. Luckily, the lady put mine on loose enough I can, with enough work, slip it off my hand. My mom's screwed, hers is on a lot tighter. And the end where they snipped off the extra band is SHARP. :c
    Sounds like I'm just complaining huh? Well, I guess we were just overtired and pissed off for having to wait so much. The pool here's nice. We have our own private section of the beach. But I'm not done complaining just yet. 
   The smoke detector in our room was hanging by the wire from the ceiling.  Luckily we've had that taken care of. There's weird stains on the mirror, looks like spots of oil, but they wont come off. Otherwise very nice. Pull out sofa bed quite comfy, with nice TV. 
Today, my mom woke me up at 4 am to tell me she didnt feel well. Then at 8:30 am she woke me up for good, and she felt a lot worse. She has Traveler's diarrhea. We think its from the tap water. But she's doing a lot better :D, just weak and tired/drowsy since she took too many Imodium AD. I've been helping her get around and stuff, and got a lifeguard to help us too, like allowing us to move the chairs at the pool into the shade, and getting a free water bottle at the bar. Btw, dinner last night was excellent. My mom had grilled grouper, and i tried some, i loved it. I had a swiss burger and fries. very tasty. the fries are actually quite good. Afterwards, my mom had a few bloody marys, and a resulting statement was: 'let's have fun! we're in the tropic of cancercorn!' Oh mom XD <3. Also, drinking age in the Bahamas is 18. mom: 'hey want a pina colada? or a bloody mary?' me: 'no, mom that's against my integrity'. I made a promise to try as hard as I can to never drink alcohol, even when i do turn of age. today for lunch i got a TUNA MELT! (YES TUNA!! WOOT!) and more of the excellent fries which are in a take home box in the fridge right now and getting some serious NOM consideration atm.....>.>....<.<...
well, tomorrow we have to go to a 90 min timeshare selling/presentation at 9am. Pros: Free breakfast, tshirts, 3 hours island adventure/tour thing (one of the stops is the International Bazaar :D), and a free 3night stay at one of several options of places in the future, one of which was LAS FREAKING VEGAS (love it there) cons: itll probably be boring. but only 90 minutes. and my mom'll of course say 'no we don't want to buy a new timeshare, my daughter's in college.' And they'll stare at me, thinking, wait, I thought she was in middle school?
XD summary: having fun, but could be better. 
     


7/21/11

He Needs To Go To Bed

several fail quotes by Matt:
matt: "sweat dreams"
me: "sweat dreams?? I don't want to dream about sweat"


matt:"and QIOET. fuck me"
me: ??
matt: >.< QUIET***


matt: we went to petsmart tonight. AND THEY HAD THE MOST ADORABLE KITTENS EVER
me: yay petsmart!
matt: I WANTED THEM ALL
me: dawwww
matt: I WANTED TO TAKE THEM HOME PUT THEM IN MY ROOM AND GIGGLE. yes i said giggle. u going to blog that?
me: XD yeah
matt: fuck


also related: my roommate natalia, also full of inconceivable fail.
<last winter making dreidels at a hanukkah party> <natalia has a fuzzy pipecleaner> 
random girl: what are you going to do with that?
natalia: STROKE IT >:D
http://usedbongs.com/wp-content/gallery/tools/pipe-cleaner.jpg

Saliva Swing Fail In The Bahamas

video of the dayhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVKOM15TYkk
quote of the dayDeath is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. --George Carlin (yes, this guy again. He's wonderful. If you haven't heard of him, well. I feel bad for you. Don't give me that look. He died a couple years ago. See, now I made you sad. You HAVE to go look at his stuff on youtube now :D)
SHOUT OUT TO MY BOYFRIEND MATT: HIS GRANDMA'S IN THE HOSPITAL; SHE BROKE HER HIP AND IS GOING TO NEED SURGERY.  PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO PRAY OR HOPE THAT EVERYTHING TURNS OUT OK
also, matt, stop falling off of the swings like yesterday XP http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT3y_BMYTzU
BAHAMAS!!! http://skvots.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/bahamas-natural-bridge.jpg
I'm leaving for Freeport on the Grand Bahamas Island TOMORROW :D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqViPnpVs54
ok, sorry for all the links. here's a present

Organized Post-it Notes Morph Into Stream Of Consciousness

Murphey's laws of the game Battleship
     --The smallest and hardest to find ship will always be in the last place you look
     --If, when right after getting a hit, you are forced to choose between multiple directions to continue hitting in hopes that the ship is oriented that way: if you choose correctly, another ships' peg will be the other peg in the direction you didnt choose, and you won't choose to hit this peg again until it is far too late. If you choose wrongly, you will get a miss no matter what, and still have just as hard a time guessing where the rest of the ships are. 
I Hate It When:
     I see three new voicemails and wonder why the heck my mother is angry with me again, until i realize 2 of them are her angry rants from a couple of days ago and the last is a very sweet message left today that tells me that my shoes arrived in the mail -__-
     I realize I forgot my bike lock right before I got to the bike rack. That anxious feeling fills me as I left my precious all alone and unprotected behind an inconspicuous dumpster, and, and hour and a half later, I see that miraculously and thankfully my bike is still there, gleaming in the sun--hold on. Those son of a b*tches stole my front reflector  -__-
     My job consists of 1.counting people by aid of a clicker as they walk by to the pool 2.reading Robert Jordan books 3. playing Sims 3 on an ipod or Advanced Wars on a GBA emulator 4. playing Battleship with myself 5.freakin Sudoku
    I stand up but my hip still wants revenge from being banged against a vending machine several times today.People stare at my sudden expression of pain as if my arm just fell off. Young children stare at you (ALL THE TIME) like you just murdered their pillow >.<
     The only thing I want at this moment is mcdonalds
     The highschool-aged lifeguards think Harry Potter's too mainstream and childish for them. Bloody hipsters. "JELLYLEGS JINX!"
     I look at the clock and totally believe it's 20 to 5pm and my stomach rumbles in anticipation of a work break but I look again and sh*t it's only 20 to 4 -__-
     I look up peacefully from this post-it and HOLY CR*P someone's right there showing me IDs to get me to let them into the pool. that IS my job, isnt it? whoops. these post its are just so fun to write in. I havent had tuna in way too long a time...wow the thought just passed thru my head that i should tell these people walking in taht the pool closes in 15 minutes. But well, sh*t, they'll find out sooner or later, whatever....weeellll, good thing i didnt, because it closes in an hour and 15 minutes. stupid continuous senior moments. Yay, goodbye yellow post-it i;ll keep writing till there's no space cuz im just a bit OCD like taht and when there's 159
     I'm writing on a post-it something about post-its. I love the post-its that come packaged with the sticky side of one stuck to the lifty side of the next and etc. so you can pick up the first couple and the rest cascade down amusing you whether you like it or not. also: this post-it is yellow. the next bunch are blue. just thought you should know. trying to ignore the shouts and pre-pubescent voices of the young campers as they come out of the locker rooms. 
     on facebook polls, someone posts the tricky yet simple math problem and i answer thinking my answeris right and how could the majority of pollers answer 9 thats so obviously wrong. "no, mom, its 6, you havent taken math in 40 years. you want me to look at it again? but i've looked a hundre- oh cr*p. well, wait i did mean it was 9. i just put 6 cuz im sort of dyslexic like that...>.>..<.<...
     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love making funny faces at the children who come to the pool whenever they stare at me. Really throws em off :D 
I love when the British guy comes to the pool. SAY MORE WORDS. strangely i'm pretty sure its the same guy who taught golf lessons at the summer camp during my single-digit years. why has he not aged at all O.o
An old lady walked up the front desk last week at the pool to tell me a story of how in Europe, she didnt have to shave and in America now the women stare at what she said they called her "monkey legs" so now she won't swim in public anymore (why is she here?!), then says I look bored and gives me a rolled up wordsearch book with a mechanical pencil. I say I already have one with me, and I pathetically actually do. But she says I"m going to have to start saving up funds for college when I get to highschool. I dont bother mentioning I'm going into my sophomore year at college, not 7th grade. The only thing I can think of after she leaves is "hmm this is a really good pencil."
I tried helping some preteens today to get their willy wonka shockers unstuck from the vending machine. Hip planning new vendetta against me.(http://files.sharenator.com/1617295_i_see_what_you_did_there_holyshit_super_Sharenator_Community_UNITE-s444x475-150637-535.jpg) Defeated. BUT, gave me an excuse to go get BBQ Lays chips with the futile plan that it would knock down the shockers RIGHT BELOW IT.missed completely. physics hates me.


^^dont mind the reflection 
but these bbq lays chips are soaking in some love sauce (whatever that means) "happiness in every bite"--like a boss, fritolay, like a boss. 


Now it feels like i have crumbs stuck in my non-existent beard. using your thigh as a desk-like surface isnt really a good idea..
An old lady walked in with a shirt that said 'don't be a boob'. It had symbols on it but i've already forgotten those in the twenty seconds that have passed. Last week, same day with the monkey legs woman, another old lady walked in wearing a top hat. or is it called a tall hat..whatever, doesnt matter. it looked f*%king ridiculous. 
OH! yellow car i win!
I think one of the reasons for obesity  us tagt oarebts ket cgukdreb gi ti tge veb...
O__O ^^---wtf was that. i put my fingers on the wrong keys, im sorry. i think one of the reasons for obesity is that parents let children go to the vending machine alone after they've given in to the child's demands of 'take out your wallet, mommy, i want MnMs.'
I hate when strangers forget to pay me (the nonresident pool fee) because you can't tell if it was intentional or not... "oh, she's so busy with her blue post-its, she wont notice if i just edge toward the locker rooms...oh darn. didnt get very far." me: *insincere sheepish smile to politely put the blame on myself.* because customers are always right -__-. unless they want to drop off their 8 and 10 year old off at the pool and just leave them there. "No, sorry, they need to be twelve to be at the pool without a guardian. Do i need to call the head lifeguard over? (thinking: i wonder if the head life guard likes harry potter, unlike the rest of those bloody hipsters. 
Quite disappointed that Ashton Kutchers' replacing Charlie Sheen on 2 1/2 men. jeezus, stupid pen cant write on inclines. Sometimes, when the clicker says (for ex.) 149 people or something equally obnoxiously not a multiple of 5 or 10, i click it once more and call the new imaginary person George. I want mcdonalds fries RIGHT NOW GOD DAMMIT. i wonder what Nasonex feels like. Harry Potter 7.2 was EPIC. too epic for the words on this post-it. My left hip cracks but just now it was my right. oh cr*p, no scratch that, my right hip cracks but just now it was my left. senior moment. 
Hey, look it's 20 to 5pm :D no, really this time.  *double checks* really =). i still want some dam fries. 
there's an empty Velveeta mac and cheese container in the garbage can behind me. now i want EasyMac too. and ramen. Cheddar cheese ramen that's my favorite but shrimp is also goo-why am i still writing?!
a kid came back and asked if she could check the locker room she might have left something in there. i nodded and quietly mumbled something, which i realized shortly afterwards, sounded like 'nofe' I dont even know what to say. Luckily the kid didnt hear me or she would have been terribly confused....
um, hey, mom dragging her kids away from the vending machine who are still trying to unstick those damn willy wonka shockers, thinking its their lucky day (pff suckers!) can i have those cheesesticks if the kids dont want em? :D :D
OMG, i news channel just called, they wanna do a story about the pool and the heat and how  families should spend the day here. (no, i dont want more people. i value my free time so i can waste it). but, this should be interesting. 
yay, more tennis balls to shove under the front desks' shelf. i could probably take three out and fail to juggle and no one here would care. 
I hate it when you start opening a yogurt lid and a bit of yogurt totally splats in your face. reminds me of when i used to work at mcdonalds, before they had the mcflurry lids that fit, and when i used to have to make a mcflurry i would be sh*tting bricks. once, the lid and the bottom of the cup flew off. oh how the kids laughed with me in amusement -__-
so, kids have still been trying to get those stupid willy wonka shockers out. Mr maintenance man comes over and gives the machine one large uber shake and the dam f*ckers fall out. but then he gave em to me. 
I HATE YOU WILLY WONKA. NOW I CANT GET THE DAM BAG OPEN. 
*5 min later*
finally! OMG THESE ARE SOUR ...but only for about 5 seconds....a painful 5 seconds. 
*5 min later*
why am i doing this to myself why am i still eating these!? sh*t i just dropped 2 on the floor at the same time. FAIL. now they're both inedible. i cant tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing...O.o


well i'm done ranting, here's some cake for your excellent patience in reading this:




















oh, that's not cake...well whatever. The cake is lie.  VIDEO OF THE DAY! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFyuhTwi_OE
quote of the day: [on airline announcements] 
George Carlin: "In the unlikely event..." This is a very suspect phrase, especially coming, as it does, from an industry that is willing to lie about arrival and departure times. "In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure..." ROOF FLIES OFF! "An oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally." Well, I have no problem with that. I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600 mile-an-hour uncontrolled vertical dive. I also SH*T normally! RIGHT IN MY PANTS!"